Monthly Archives: October 2017

Discover How to Empathize to Men and Relationships

Books and articles about how to love your man are everywhere. If you truly want to make your boyfriend happy, the key is to understand men and relationships. While women are seen as the more sentimental partner, know that men have feelings, too. Children have been socialized based on society’s views that men have learned to suppress their emotions to become more “masculine.”

This article contains tips on how to empathize with men and how to develop a healthy relationship.


The first step at empathizing with your boyfriend is accepting him for who he is, even if he has flaws and annoying habits. Accepting him for who he is means recognizing and understanding all his strengths, weaknesses, and flaws. Once you’ve done this, you’ll be able to see things from his perspective.

Unconditional love is the best kind of love you can give anyone. When you love your partner despite his faults, you will be able to provide the love he has been longing for.

Place Yourself in His Shoes

When your boyfriend is in a bad spot, it’s not easy to give advice, especially when you don’t see the other side or the whole picture. Instead, imagine what he’s going through and ask yourself what you’d do in his circumstance. It’s okay to give your say, but become a listening ear as well. Be encouraging as much as possible.

Be Sensitive to His Moods

Tact is the word. Don’t just prattle on thinking that he won’t be offended with your words, whether you’re having a tiff or not. Also, beware when talking about yourself to no end. It’s pointless to talk if he has “switched off” and doesn’t want to listen anymore.

Give Him Some Space

Sometimes, it’s better to not talk at all or communicate at a later time. Don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend if he needs some space. Some men aren’t blunt about telling you that they need time to be with themselves. If things aren’t looking very well, offer some space. This way, both of you will be able to sort things out.

Be Thoughtful and Sweet

Any guy would easily fall for a girl, that can sweetly charm her way to his heart. Most men look forward to coming home to a sweet partner after a bad day. Comfort him and show him that you care.

Healing Family Relationships

Bringing healing to family relationships can be one of the most difficult aspects of the spiritual healing process. The reason for this is that we choose to incarnate within our specific families for the purpose of healing and growth, which often challenges us deeply to the core of our being. For many of us it may feel as though healing is exactly the opposite of what we are receiving with our families, as we endure the difficulties and limitations of our relationships with our parents and siblings.

Before incarnating, we choose families which can bring to the surface specific issues and themes that our soul wishes to explore, learn about and heal. Often these issues are challenging and bring to the surface discomfort that we would prefer go avoid rather than face. Some people deal with this discomfort by placing blame on their parents or the situation they were born into, which provides a temporary outlet for the emotional pain they have experienced, but ultimately prevents the free flow of love, light and healing in the heart.

As we grow personally and spiritually, there comes a time when we are called to release ourselves from the emotional pain we have carried from our childhood. There are steps in this process, which may taker a shorter or longer time, or which may involve many lifetimes of learning.

The first step we take is to become conscious of the pain we are carrying. If we have repressed these feelings, they will emerge when we are ready to face them. Sometimes an event such as an illness or a loss can illuminate feelings we have buried or forgotten. Once we become conscious of the pain and allow ourselves to simply feel it, healing can begin. Being with the pain, and bringing it before God is an essential part of the process. In this way we are not alone, as the divine Creator who is All sees, hears and feels with us. This can be done with prayer, intention, meditation, creative expression, or any way that resonates.

Once we have become more conscious of the pain we carry, the next step involves the willingness to let go of our pain. Though on the surface it may seem strange to want to hold onto pain, there are many deep emotions that can become entrenched within us, and wrapped around our sense of self. We unconsciously hold on to the pain, because it is all we have ever known. For example, if we are carrying anger, hurt or betrayal, we are asked to forgive and to move on. If we were the victim of abuse or neglect, we are asked to let go of our anger, and our entitlement to be angry. This part of the process cannot be rushed, which is why it is so important to be willing to feel our emotions fully first. Once this happens, the next step of healing naturally unfolds.

Once we have traversed these steps of becoming conscious, feeling our pain, and being willing to let it go, then we are fully available to receive a deep and complete healing. As we voluntarily empty ourselves of those things we’ve been holding onto, more of God’s love and light can enter our heart, mind and body. The pathways of life begin to open up and reveal new directions, new possibilities, and new choices. Our hearts begin to open and love blossoms, forgiveness becomes a way of being, and spiritual awareness awakens within us. These are the gifts that come through healing family relationships, a heart full of love and trust, unencumbered by the pain of the past.

Got Healthy, Happy Relationships?

How do you create love and respect in a relationship when the other person isn’t supporting the process? If you’re like most people, you care a great deal about the people you’re in some kind of relationship with. You might want to be compassionate and be able to listen to them in a caring way, but it might seem like the other person isn’t trying to help the situation or that they’re being negative or interacting in less than productive ways. Does any of this sound familiar? If so you’re probably feeling confused, frustrated, and perhaps even guilty about not being able to be nicer to this person you care about.

Misunderstanding compassion

We believe these feelings come from misunderstanding the true meanings of compassion and caring. Here’s what we mean: in many people’s minds empathy and compassion are often associated with self-sacrifice or selflessness. People think that if you are a compassionate person you ALWAYS behave compassionately and are able to listen caringly – no matter how you feel. This can be especially difficult when embroiled in a relationship that is creating hurt feelings and other kinds of emotional pain.

The notion that one should be selfless and just sacrifice their feelings for the sake of getting along is far from the truth as we see it. Most people want to cultivate compassion and learn empathic listening to enhance their relationships, to create closeness and understanding. This can only happen when you actually want to do this, when empathizing with the other person is the most wonderful thing you can imagine doing in that moment.

Also, empathy is not just something we offer other people. We find that many people don’t understand how to use self-empathy – listening caringly to yourself. Yet it’s a vital ingredient in learning to understand yourself in order to stay true to what’s most important to you. And these are essential building blocks for creating closeness and understanding with others.

Empathy is not always beneficial

If you attempt to listen empathically to another person when you would much rather be doing something else, two things are likely to happen. First, you’ll probably feel resentment and become judgmental about that person and their behavior. This happens because you’re not being honest with yourself; you’d rather be doing something else but because of some idea that you should listen compassionately to this person no matter what, you go against your own desires.

When this happens, it is easy to begin blaming them for the lack of happiness you feel with thoughts such as, if they would only … stop complaining, think positively, get a different job, stop being so negative, get some friends … or any number of other ideas you believe would help the relationship.

Second, whenever you listen to someone with these kinds of negative thoughts running around in your head, they are sure to detect the resentment and judgmental attitude sooner or later. This will create just the opposite of the understanding and closeness you hope for and will continue to tear down any hope of a healthy, happy relationship.

Following, NOT sacrificing, your feelings

In dealing with a situation like this start by giving yourself permission NOT to empathize, not to just throw your emotional pain out the window in the spirit of self sacrifice. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and what’s most important to you in each moment. Never attempt to be empathetic unless it’s the most wonderful thing you can imagine doing in that moment.

We suggest you start using your emotions as your guide in knowing when to empathize and when to step away. Being true to what would give you joy in the moment is one of the most important first steps you can take not only to get along, but to create the closeness and understanding you want.

When you begin to be more honest with yourself about how you are and what you want, it’s easier to accept others as they are. This is the key to saving your relationship if it’s lacking love and respect. Practicing this requires many more understandings and skills than we can go into here. However, we would like to offer you two practical exercises we believe will improve a situation in which one party is not able to cooperate in the way you want them to.

Exercise One:
Since we’re positive that what you focus your attention on grows, we recommend you begin making lists of the other party’s positive qualities, the things you enjoy about them, what you are grateful for about them. These can be things from the past or present, and nothing is too small to include.

When you’ve completed the initial list, any time you feel uncomfortable or hear yourself beginning to judge the other person, take out your list and read it. When you’re done reading it, add at least one more thing to the list.

Exercise Two: 
Cultivate more joy in your life. To do this you must be very clear about what is most important to you–what you value most deeply in specific situations–what qualities bring joy to your life. Once you do this investigation, narrowed your list of values down to the three qualities that would bring you the most joy in your current situation, come up with at least two things that you can start doing right now that will help you experience more of these qualities in your life.

For example, if you do the values investigation and find that connection with people brings you a lot of joy, you might come up with a list of friends you can call when you’re not able to get the quality of connection you want from the troubling relationship. If you find that play and exercise are important, plan ways you can have more play or exercise with your children or friends.

This shift in your relationship starts when you realize that your happiness does not depend on others’ actions and that you can stay true to yourself and find alternative ways to experience what you value. We are confident that this shift will help you have less resentment and dissatisfaction, will greatly improve your ability to be compassionate and listen empathically, and boost the love and respect of experience in all your relationships.

So let’s recap:
1. Pay more attention to how you are and what you want most (Practice Self Empathy).
2. Focus more on what you can be grateful for about the other party.
3. Take responsibility for bringing the qualities that cultivate joy into your life.

Stages of Relationships

In this short article I would like to discuss with you the subject of men: how to understand and deal with them, and how to live with them. In another article coming soon, I will look at women, and how to have a good, solid relationship with the female of the species.

Let us talk about the stages of relationships to start with. You may have noticed that the above title is backwards. The proper stages of relationships that you should follow are Understanding Men, Love, and then perhaps Marriage.

Men (and women) are complex, ever-changing things that you cannot hope to ever fully understand, and then relax. It is a continuous work in progress to watch him, figure him out (but not psych him out!), think, note his likes, dislikes, reactions, level of maturity, and so on. Of course, he should be doing the same for you. This will make for a harmonious, happy relationship.

Women want a man who is strong, confident and mature. So while you are dating, observe closely. Is he spoiled? Selfish? Does he sometimes let his guard down and act like a little boy? Perhaps it was disguised as a joke, but watch out. It can take a year or more of frequent dating before the real nature and temperament of your partner emerges.

It is worth remembering as well that men can be just as vulnerable and emotional as women. Men know they are supposed to be strong and supportive. But sometimes they need help too. Needing or asking for help is not a sign of weakness, or a character defect. On the contrary, it shows a good level of adult maturity, to know when to ask for help and not be ashamed of it.

You know very well that you should not stay with a man who abuses you. I do not need to tell you that, I hope! But what about the guy who is a little more crafty, and not so obvious? Does your man constantly criticize you and put you down, especially in front of family and friends? You may think this behavior is foolish and sad, and just tolerate it.

However, there is more to it than that. It is in fact, a large red flag being waved in your face, so do not dismiss it. A man who behaves in this manner is chock full of insecurities and emotional problems. He is dumping his issues on you because you are handy and convenient, and usually will not fight back. In this way, he escapes having to actually deal with these problems himself.

As an aside, fighting back vigorously in such a situation might make you feel better, but it will only make things worse. This man needs to see a counselor or psychologist quick, and get straightened out, if possible. You cannot do this yourself unless you actually are a psychologist yourself, and maybe not even then, so do not try.

The important point is, a man who often acts in an abusive, childish or emotionally immature manner is damaged goods. Steer clear and find someone else, before you find yourself accepting the blame for his problems and getting messed up yourself. He wants you to feel as bad about yourself as he feels about himself.

If you stay in such a relationship, he will succeed. You will soon feel guilty and inadequate, and lack confidence in yourself, for all the wrong reasons. Or, actually, for no reason at all. Put some effort into watching your man in the first few months of your relationship. Think carefully and remember what happens. There are always warning signs in a bad relationship, sooner rather than later.

Do not ignore them, thinking they will go away. They will not. On the contrary, they will usually get worse with time. To achieve a happy ending, you must go through the stages of relationships in their proper order. Understanding should come first, no matter how madly in love with him you are.

You know very well that most folks are on their best behavior in the early stages of love and dating. Do not be in too much of a rush to get married or move in with him. She who hesitates is sometimes saved. Be patient and become a keen observer with a sharp memory. It will pay off bigtime in the long run.